Paying attention to the world outside of Sheryl is often challenging and is just one of the reasons I am a self-described weirdo.
I tend to live in my head. It is very busy in there. So many thoughts and ideas popping up just like bubbles floating to the top of a newly opened can of soda. With all that action going on, external stimulus can send me into overload. Most of my life has been spent wondering why large gatherings, noisy environments and activity all around caused me to shut down. “What is wrong with me?” was a question I often asked. Not knowing others experienced this as well I just silenced the question, accepted that I had to power through so no one would notice. This became my lifestyle. Until I couldn’t pretend anymore.
Throughout most of my early life, I simply tried not to stand out. Recently, I read that many neurodivergent people grow up like this; preferring solitude to the constant feeling of being out of place with the majority of their peers. Time and experience have colored in the lines of who I am, I now take more risks and care less about being labeled.
I have not been officially diagnosed with anything. At my age I have learned enough coping mechanisms to survive; I stick with weird as I don’t view it as a negative. Weird to me just means different, unafraid to march to that internal drummer, living life in a way that is healthy and fulfilling for me.
In conversations with my adult brother I often refer to my weirdness—I wear it like a badge of honor—he would try to tell me I am not weird. I know he meant well, but it felt like I was being invalidated. If I wasn’t weird, what was I? His point is often that everyone has similar feelings and that mine were not unusual issues. While there is truth in his point, for me, the moniker of weird meant I accepted what makes me different and I proudly live life letting my quirks shine for all to see.
I believe embracing one’s weirdness—at any age— is a brave way to live. It isn’t easy. All of us want to be a part of something; to feel we belong and are understood. The most important place to be accepted and nurtured is in the home. If we don’t find it there, and many don’t, then it is up to the individual to go out into the world and surround themselves with people who will love and support all facets of the person God created.
Throughout my adult life my purpose is to help people. I have worn many hats during my working life, but helping others has always been at the core of what I do. Now, I am using writing for just that purpose. Just like, as a young kid, I entertained the adults in my life with “Kiss me you fool.” I want to use my love for words and stories to connect with others who also might feel weird. Embrace it! Live large and in so doing you might just change a life.
Allowing oneself to be vulnerable is akin to walking down the street naked. If we are busy being ourselves, there is no time to worry what someone else is doing or thinking. Please, do not try the naked strolling thing; just feel free to be authentic. I believe learning to live a more vulnerable life gives others permission to do the same. Sharing what makes us human is a gift we can give each other.
I’m letting my guard down. How about you?
Until next time,
